I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
