I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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