Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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