I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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