so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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