I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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