ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
