Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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