he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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