He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
