If i come over, it means nothing
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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