i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
