He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
