So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
