Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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