Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
