probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
third nipple confirmed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
