its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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