Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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