Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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