can u get pink eye on your cock?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize