how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
