just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
