my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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