After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
