addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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