i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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