I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will be naked everywhere
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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