I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
