does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize