i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
