So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
