So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
