Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
