I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
