tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize