in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
