No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
