you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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