Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
