How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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