apparently the secret to your success is patron
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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