if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
