Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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