wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
