??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just pee around me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we should paint friendship bongs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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