and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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