kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Boobs are out for the taking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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