Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
