there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
