I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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