Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
