I wish I could punch you in the face.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
