Where is the hickey?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
