I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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