just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
