u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm too high and old for this...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
