i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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