he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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