True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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