I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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