I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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