Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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