Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
