yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
