This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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