Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
