She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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